Who did Billy Mays play for?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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