i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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