last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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