I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize