she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
