I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize