i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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