i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
