But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My life is pants optional.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
