She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
