closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
