I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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