Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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