Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
