Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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