It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
