We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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