why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
