I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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