Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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