I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
