Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Green mimosas i think yes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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