'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize