I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize