I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
