just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
