uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
