I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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