I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
