I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
