i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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