Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize