i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize