i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
