There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
