This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
