he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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