Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
