The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
