who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
