u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
