this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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