I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Even my vagina gasped.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
