Your tits are I can't wait for
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
