Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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