Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize