Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
