Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize