im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
