HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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