I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize