just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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