So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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