Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this boner is exhausting
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
