I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
