I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize