She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
