Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
