What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize