Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
