Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
