she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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