I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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