If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize