i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
