We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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