If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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