I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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