My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize