Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
