Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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