were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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