and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
