Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
