omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
