my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
