Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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