If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize