last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
